Some like it hot so let's turn up the heat 'til we fry.

Sometimes God thinks North Idaho folks are getting too uppity, what with their beautiful landscape and mild climate. So to put them in their place he sends a 100 degree heat wave. "But Kristi," you say, "The whole country is experiencing a heat wave. What makes you think North Idaho is being especially punished, pray tell?" Because these fools don't put air conditioning in their homes!!! Because I haven't been without air conditioning in 100 degree weather in over 10 years! And I'm yelling because I'm disoriented and muddled by the extreme heat!

Aaaaannnd I'm done.

You know how I usually do thematic posts, like little essays? Not this time. I. Can't. Think. So. Hard. So here's the one where I write random things that have no coherence whatsoever.

Birthday season is officially over. We had a hot, but fun soccer party for Charlie at the park yesterday. So I finished my first year of what I call 'birthday politics'. Politics in that you have to campaign to get families to your birthday parties. Among my top 10 fears of all time, up there with accidently forgetting that I'm not wearing my bathing suit bottoms and stripping down to my panties at the pool, is the fear that no one will show up to one of my kids' parties. So I'm a party politician. By the way, if you think that oreos and black licorice on a white cake will look like a soccer ball, you're wrong. Just buy the damn cake because you'll look like an idiot trying to make one yourself.

We're driving 2 hours to get to a Sonic today. That's right, you heard me...whatcha gonna do about it? I earned a trip to Sonic. And nobody, not you, not Mr. gas man, nobody's gonna stop me. At least our van has air conditioning.

I haven't seen a moose yet. Which is weird, because there's moose in all the decorations and pictures up here. Or is it meese?

To the guy who invented built- in sprinklers: first, thank you. That was a good idea you had there. Second, could you come over and show us how to use these bad boys? Our crappy leasing office won't show us and our grass is turning yellow. The neighbors are giving us dirty looks. One day I'm going to wake up with burning effigies on my lawn. Please help us.

Our "flying to Texas at Christmas" fund is getting a little boost. I'm watching one of Juliet's playmates 3 days a week. Poor Charlie, too much estrogen in the house. He's spending his summer avoiding prancing little fairy princesses who like to get into his stuff. He got a scooter for his birthday. He'll be scooting over to his buddy's house for the rest of the summer.

My five year old daughter is boy crazy. This is normal, right? Her current obsession is a nine year old neighbor. Let's call him "Moose". "Mom...do you think Moose likes me?" She wants him to be her boyfriend. She also uses her Barbies to play a game called "naked club" in which all of the Barbies...you guessed it...get naked. Now I told Will that I used to have crazy crushes like this when I was little, too. And then I spent my entire adolescence behind big hair and glasses that covered my whole face and no one had to worry about me and the boys. On the other hand, I happen to think my girl is particularly pretty. And pretty + boy crazy = teen pregnancy in my book. So is it wrong to hope that your daughter needs coke bottle glasses?

Three weeks ago Charlie wouldn't let go of the side of the pool. Now he can swim the length and he's jumping in doing flips and all kinds of craziness. I still pinch my nose to go upside down underwater.

Ava reminds me of Margaret O'Brien. Margaret O'Brien was of the little girls in "Meet Me in St. Louis." Ava also likes to say "Oh snap" at random moments.

This is all. Thus ends my completely random post.

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