True stories of amazing parenting....

Otherwise titled: We'll be lucky if none them kill us in our sleep.

A few months ago:

Ava: Daddy lost his hair because he was a bad boy.
Me: What? Did he tell you that? Wiiillll!!!
(confronting Will)
Me: Did you tell Ava you lost your hair because you were a bad boy?
Will: Yeah...that's funny. Now she'll be good so she won't lose her hair. (Smirky smile on his face)
Me: Nice. What do we tell her when she sees her first chemo patient?

The other day:

Ava: Daddy lost his hair because he was a bad boy.
Will: Noooo....I told you I lost my hair because I was a good boy. Why haven't you lost your hair yet?
Ava: Noooo. You was a bad boy. I have lotsa hair. (shows him her hair)
Will: I really lost my hair because I was so smart. My brain got so big and it needed more energy so my hair had to go.
Ava: You was a bad boy.

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Will: They're hiring here, Charlie. Go ask them for a job.
Charlie: I'm too young.
Will: Go tell them you're fifteen. They'll believe you.
Charlie: No they won't.
Will: Yeah...just say, "I'm short." And then say, "Don't make fun." They'll feel bad and hire you.
Charlie: No they won't.
Will: Come on...it'll be fun.
Charlie: I'm too young.
Kristi: Good for you, Charlie. Good for standing up to Daddy's peer pressure.
Will: It would've been sweet.

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Will: Stop fighting or I'll take off your feet!
Juliet: You can't take off our feet!
Will: Oh yeah? Watch this (does lame removing the finger trick)
Juliet: Thats a trick! (starts trying to do the same trick)

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Ava: Mama, will you get me some water?
Me: Only if you give me a kiss. (Ava gives me a kiss)
And a hug (gives me a hug). And do a little dance (starts jumping around like a hopped up midget)
Will: Mama!
Me: What? I like to see her dance.

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Me: Out of cereal, the eggs are old, no breakfast bars....cookies for breakfast!
Children: Yeeeeaaahhhh!

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Me on the phone: Excuse me? I'm sorry... I can't... Could you hold on for just a minute?
Ava (singing): I went down, down, down, and the flames went higher...
Me: Ava, I'm on the phone. Can you go sing in the hall?
Ava: No! I want to sing Ring of Fire in here! (singing) And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire, the ring of fire.
Me: Can I call you right back?

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Me in the mini-van: What do we want to listen to?
Juliet: Video Killed the Radio Star!
Charlie: That one where they say "Don't tell me to smile.." (Beastie Boys, Intergalactic)
Ava: Listen to the Band! (our favorite Monkees song)
Me: Hank Williams, it is then.


Yeah....so we keep our bedroom door locked at night.

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